Starting a conversation with a girl you find attractive is much easier online than on the street. Just a few clicks and you know quite a lot about her: job, hobbies, favorite films and music, etc. You also know that she is single, since she has a profile on a dating site. It’s a good start already. However, the most important step is ahead – your first message or an opening line. Online dating is a game similar to table tennis. You are like the server striking the ball with a racket, and girls are like the receivers returning the ball. If you fail to serve well, you lose. If your technique is precise and confident, you win.
The aim of the first message is to draw a girl’s attention to your dating profile and get her interested in your personality. Before you start sending messages to girls, make sure your profile looks nice. It should contain your quality photos, short but catchy bio, and give women a general idea of who you are. Remember that before replying to your message, a woman will check out your profile to make sure you’re not some guy she’ll waste her time on. Although there are universal openers, an individual approach is always more effective. Study a girl’s profile to find some commonalities between you and her or some fact that will make a good excuse for an opening message.
- Don’t be boring! Your first message should evoke interest in a girl, make her smile or even laugh.
- Try not to ask questions that can be answered in yes/no/thanks, I know it.
- Don’t start a conversation with too personal matters. She will freak out.
- Don’t try even to hint at sex in the first message.
- Avoid too complicated questions that require a thoughtful answer. She should reply automatically, without thinking too much.
- Avoid superficial compliments, the ones that praise her appearance – she receives tons of such messages so you won’t stand out.
Mistakes to avoid
Platitude. Your first message to a girl should be creative and original. It’s a no-no to start with some cliché or trite phrase, such as “Hi! How r u?” If you write something like that, she’ll 99% ignore you.
Slang and bad language. Women are very sensitive to the purity of speech. Make sure that your first messages are slang-free. If you get rejected or ignored, accept it with a stiff upper lip. Don’t write anything offensive in response even if she turned you down in a rude way. You can write something like, “You’re like a rose – beautiful and thorny”.
Banal compliments. “You are beautiful” is not actually a compliment. It’s a statement. Girls appreciate those compliments that are individual rather than generic. Study her profile and find something unique about her to praise.
Declaration of serious intentions. Even if you’re looking for a serious relationship and she seems to be a good match, don’t tell her about your intentions. You’ll only freak her out. Keep it simple and light-hearted at the beginning.
Hints at sex. Pickup artists often use vulgar opening lines that don’t work with normal girls. “hi. did you watch Harry Potter? (she replies “yes”) Then show me your chamber of secrets”. Don’t expect any reply.
Examples of creative first messages:
Hi! I saw your photos from Rome. I’m going to Italy soon. Can I ask you a few questions about your trip?
You like RHCP? I was at their concert this spring. Have you seen them live?
Hi! I’m one of those bothersome guys that think you’re amazingly beautiful.
Lady, please call an ambulance, I’ve been struck by Cupid’s arrow.
Let’s play the game: you think of a number 0-100, and I pick you up at 8. By the way, forget the numbers. (this message is a good ending for your initial dialog)